Christmas Eve Testimony - Elaine Embury

The following testimony was shared by Elaine Embury at the Christmas Eve service.  Her powerful words ministered to many people, and you can read them now here:

 

From an early age -- while I didn’t have an understanding of God -- I certainly had a recognition of God. It was born out of my parent’s near constant war over religion. My father was Baptist and my Mum was a Jehovah’s Witness. I grew up too fast in a troubled and abusive battlefield where many awful things were said and done. I survived my youth but struggled with low self-esteem and anger over a childhood that never was. I then survived a very self-destructive phase in my late teens which was fueled by a search for answers, acceptance and love. 

At 22, I was tired of being bullied by life. I decided to stop looking back – and to start looking forward. I made a very conscious decision to not be defined by what was my parent’s legacy – not mine.  The emotional and economic hardships that I had experienced to this point in my life -- coupled with feeling isolated and powerless -- created a deeply grounded drive for security and control in my life. And unfortunately, this turned me into a workaholic and an overachiever. At that time I felt if I could just climb the ladder of personal and professional success and make it to the top I would have everything that would bring me happiness and fulfillment. I worked hard and fought my way to the top of my professional life. And in my personal life I found a relationship that was everything that my parent’s marriage was not.

And then a very strange thing happened when I was 28. I had made it. I had the big job. The great house. The nice cars. Exotic travel. And I had an amazing partner in life. I had climbed the ladder I had defined as success – I had got to the very top of it – and to my horror, I suddenly discovered that the ladder was leaning up against the completely wrong wall. There wasn’t really anything more at the top of the ladder than there had been at the bottom. I had so much but felt so empty. There was still a sense of not being fulfilled. I had a restlessness and hollowness that wasn’t satisfied with all the “stuff” or the power or even the wonderful man who would become my husband.

It was at that moment that God nudged me. I’m not sure if it was something I read or something I heard. But my mind opened to the idea that maybe what was missing was God.   I was struggling to find things or accomplishments or people to make me feel complete but wasn’t looking to the source of all life for fulfillment. Within a few weeks, God led us to an incredible, bible-teaching, Christ-centered church were the Pastor and the church family nurtured us and helped us grow in our faith.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I truly “belonged”. My earthly father had scarred me deeply and with him I was never good enough. All of those bad memories were pushed aside by the new relationship I now had with a Heavenly Father that loved me so much that he would forgive me for all I had done and call me his precious child. He filled my desire for love, peace, joy and hope to overflowing.   He gave me purpose and He gave me a future. He taught me to hold the things of this world loosely and to not define myself by the world’s standards but by His. Life was good.

Fast forward 12 years.   My life started to unravel. Within 13 months, I experienced the deaths of my husband, my Mom, my Father-in-Law, Mother-in-Law and I lost my house and everything in it in the Okanagan Mountain fire. I was beyond devastated. The people that had been the greatest blessings of my life were gone. I fell into a very dark hole and didn’t want to go on living.   But then one night, again, I felt a nudge. I suddenly felt God reminding me I was His child and He loved me. I realized that I had been pushing Him away and had been trying to whether the storm with my own strength instead leaning into the anchor of my life.   Some of the darkness lifted and I had to take a long, hard look at myself and decide how deep my faith really was. I was reminded that just because I was a Christian didn’t mean life was going to be easy – in fact, the Bible says the opposite. And we live in an imperfect world and it was that imperfection that took my loved ones and my home from me, not God.   Was my faith so shallow and conditional that I expected all the good of life but having adversity would cause me to turn away from Him? Absolutely not.   I knew in my heart that the will of God would never lead me where His grace could not sustain me. I recommitted myself to Him – and His peace and presence washed over me.  From that day on -- it wasn’t easy – but my total despair fell away and I had a renewed sense of hopefulness and my identity in Christ.

Again, I was climbing a ladder, but this time He was using it to help me climb out of a deep, dark hole. And I never could have done it without Him.    

His provision did not end that night. He has since brought mind-boggling good from what I have been through. First and completely life-altering -- he blessed me with an incredible new husband , his three amazingly wonderful daughters and two grandchildren who all bring me more joy that words can describe. Second, He’s equipped me to reach out to others with a compassion and understanding I never possessed before.

I am so grateful to God for saving me from myself and I pray if you are here today and any part of my story resonates with you -- and you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus – for you to please seek him.  

Please move your ladder up against the wall of God’s promises – and start climbing because I would love for you to know the completeness that I have only come to know because of Jesus….and He has that waiting for you.

 Elaine Embury