I don’t remember a time when I didn’t know God, talk to Him, or sense He had a plan for my life; but I also held a mistaken belief that if I spoke and acted “rightly”, I could earn God’s love. Jesus wasn’t my Savior - He was my “meal ticket.” I believed God would reward me if I had the right answers in Sunday school, obeyed my parents and played nicely with my sister.

My belief was broken by two events: my parents’ divorce when I was eight and my mother’s remarriage five years later. My family’s breakdown had not been part of my plan. I began to resent the God I had been striving to please. When I was sixteen, I told God I wanted Him to leave me alone.

For two years I rebelled, trying to lose my pain in alcohol and drugs. Two weeks before my eighteenth birthday, I had a close call with death. I awakened in my room, when I probably shouldn’t have. My Bible, which had sat untouched on a bookshelf for months, was lying open on the floor. Curiously, I skimmed the page, and my eyes rested on a verse - Psalm 118:18, “I shall not die, but I shall live and recount the deeds of the Lord.” I felt God say to me, “Why are you wasting your life?”

My name is Caleb and I was born in Vancouver after my parents immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong. I was blessed to have Christian parents who instilled God’s values into my life: to be polite, respectful, honest, and hardworking. Much of who I am is due to the training and disciplining I received from my parents.

At an early age, I knew my parents were Christians. I had just assumed that I too was a Christian, because my parents were Christians. I was wrong. As I grew up, getting into trouble, and not always treating others well, I realized that God only had children, not grandchildren. I wasn’t automatically a Christian just because my parents were Christians; I realized that I had to make a personal choice to be a Christian. So around the age of 8, I decided to become a Christian, to become a follower of Jesus, to become a child of God.

I grew and matured, and was a pretty good kid. However, I was not a very good Christian, because through high school, I was embarrassed to tell others that I was a Christian. But God was patient and slowly worked in my life. I learned more about Him and His character, and enough to be obedient in following His desire for me to be baptized in 1982.

I grew up in Campbell River with four brothers, and parents who made sure we attended church on Sundays. Even so, we never talked about a personal relationship with Christ. I was exposed to and participated in many things before I think I was actually mature enough to understand or handle them.

     During my senior years of high school, I attended a Bible study through Young Life. After graduation, I started to enjoy the life of partying, boys and sometimes drugs, until it lead me to a situation that I left me feeling unclean. I remember some of the talks from Bible study and that the only way to cleanse myself was to ask Jesus into my life. So one evening I went to the leader’s house and asked if they would pray with me as I felt I needed to ask Jesus to cleanse me of my sins. Even though God in all his grace did forgive me and cleansed me, I struggled living a life for Him. I was baptized in 1985 thinking it was the right thing to do and maybe it would help me live a purer life. A few months later I moved to Prince George and gave up on my Christian life as I couldn’t let go of the partying lifestyle.    

     Three years later, life was ugly, the party was no fun and I was depressed.

Through involvement in the church at a young age, I became excited about Jesus and publicly professed him at age 9. I quickly realized that I would need to be an example to those around me. I spent the first 20 or so years of my life being taught facts about Christianity. I attended Christian elementary school, high school, and attended a Bible College, which I count all as amazing privileges. However, part of my way through College it became evident to me that I needed to start asking some really hard, really elementary questions about my faith.

I remember feeling embarrassed that I was asking these questions. I felt as if, “I should already know this stuff, I’ve been taught it my entire life!” But that was just it—I was taught the right answers, but I wasn’t always sure why I believed them.                                                                                                      

I began asking and facing some of the toughest questions in my spiritual journey. “God, how do I know when you’re speaking?” “Have I ever heard your voice?” These questions, along with what I was facing in life, seemed to strip me down to the core.

Growing up in a Christian home, I was surrounded with Bible stories, songs about God, and a wonderful Christian community. It was at the age of six my dad was reading me the story of how God freed Paul and Silas from jail. It was then I distinctly remember deciding I had to follow this God.

            Life went on and God was still very much a part of my life, but it was in grade 8 when I was challenged to go to the next level. I was on a Jr. High church retreat and the guest speaker challenged us to read the Bible even for five minutes each night. Although I grew up in a Christian home, for some reason I was embarrassed to read my Bible. I took the challenge. Those five minutes became 10 and those 10 became 15. It was in this time where my faith really started to become my own. My desire for God began to grow, and so did my confidence. Suddenly I had a purpose, and I began breaking out of my quiet, insecure shell. I was in need of a Saviour.

Our God is such a meddler, and for that I am so thankful!

Growing up, I went to church, but didn’t know what it meant to be a Christian. I became one at VBS when I was 6. We would be asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus into his heart. My soul felt the weight of that question. One day, I gave in to what my soul was telling me: this was very important and I needed to do it. But Jesus was more of a ‘magic eraser’ than a friend.

I met people that glowed. And because God made me a girl, I’m attracted to sparkly things. What underlying radiating qualities did they have that I didn’t? Through them I learned that God was good and caring.

I thank God my parents divorced while I was still young (12), because my faith was still so simple. I knew I had the choice to either trust God, or toss it aside. But the Holy Spirit prodded me into trusting Him, and God turned a horrible thing into quite a beauty, as He would and will continue to do in my life.

At the age of eight I received Jesus at Bible camp. As a youth and teenager I lived much like my friends. My desire to belong and fit in was stronger than my desire to

be different. My conscience was often conflicted. I felt guilty for living one way around my friends and differently at home.

As a teenager I looked for possessions to fill the emptiness and void in my life. I hoped that my dirt bike and my first car would give some satisfaction to life. As I worked hard to obtain these possessions I found they did not satisfy.

As an eighteen year old I knew that I needed God, but did not know how to get Him. I saw people in church had something. They had joy and peace in their lives. For example I remember one elder who was battling bone cancer and was supposed to die. Yet he would lead worship and sing praises to God with tears of joy and gladness. That didn’t make sense to me. I would have been angry with God if I were in his circumstances.

Growing up in a Christian home my life was immersed in Christian culture. In many ways, it was a blessing. One such blessing was my mom who invited me to accept Christ into my life at the age of five one Sunday morning while home sick from church. From that day on, my relationship with Christ grew and although I knew He was there and I encountered Him from time to time, I did not know exactly who He was. God continued to pursue me and grow my desire for Him, and for a deeper relationship with Him.

I had some time on my hands after finishing high school while waiting to attend Capernwray Bible School. It was then that the God's word first became alive for me. God revealed to met the truth of Galatians 2:20 and showed me that my pride was getting in the way. The verse states, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me.” Through this verse He showed me, that my pride no longer needed to hold me back, that it was crucified on the cross. This is a life lesson for me and one that I constantly keep learning in new ways as He continues to show me how deep my pride runs, and the many faces pride has.