In my teens I surrounded myself with people, some healthy relationships, some not healthy, but never feeling completely connected, completely filled, completely wanted. My 16th year marked a turning point in my walk with Christ. With the support of my parents and priest I began to explore other forms of worship and relationship with Jesus. I attended my first Bible study and began to learn who Jesus really was. As I grew up so did my relationships grow. During my first year at Trinity Western University I rededicated my life as an adult yet I was afraid. I remember waking up the next day fearful for what the Lord would ask of me if I gave him my whole life. I was afraid that he would ask me to be alone forever, that was, after all, my deepest fear. I remember opening the Bible that day and reading Luke 11:11-13. "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
To me it helped me to realize the Fathers love. Why would I assume the worst if I really believe He loved me like a father? It was at this time that my view of who God was changed. He became more real to me. He instead gave me wonderful relationships and a loving husband. He did however asked me to give Him the role of my Heavenly Father and Best Friend and while I know our relationships can have its ups and downs I know I can always talk with Him, share my struggles with Him and worship Him with the gifts and weaknesses He is given me.
I was baptized as an adult in 2002 in the ocean while surrounded by my friends and family and even though I have experienced disappointments and questioned unanswered prayers I keep remembering how good God is and how much He loves his children. I will continue to trust in the Lord all of my days. Many mornings I will wake up to a song in my head a song I learned as a child “step by step he leads me and I will follow him all of my days.” That is how I will live my life step by step closer to Jesus.